The Bayeux Crapestry: Three commissions an installation about lockdown’s biggest moments

Honestly, corporations will use anything.

Three, the UK mobile network, was in my emails today with this press release:

Three has identified the top mentioned moments from lockdown based on the UK’s social media mentions from March to July (number of mentions in millions):

Virtual Events & Livestreams: 4,006m

Black Lives Matter — 500m

Boardgames — 285m

Home Schooling — 244m

Daisy May Cooper & The Sea Captain — 199m

While some of the most talked about people and memes that kept us connecting were:

Captain Tom Moore — 57m

TikTok: Blinding Lights Challenge — 56m

The Big Lasagne — 44m

Connell’s Chain — 22m

Tiger King — 19m

It’s a fun idea, I guess. Certainly, it caught my interest in the soup of literal shit I get sent every day. But it does remind me of just how vulture-like corporations are. The human experience is just grist to their commercial imperatives; corporations must insert themselves in the middle of any genuine human connection. And thus, Three made what I shall call the Bayeaux Crapestry.

I like the artwork and I like that Three has paid an illustrator to make it. Creative people need to eat:

Illustrated by London based artist Emmy Lupin, How We Scrolled: Lockdown 2020 is an undulating, 25-metre long celebration of the connections we have made and the many unique moments, memes and heroes who have helped us to cope, kept us distracted, entertained and generally brought us together in recent months.

Creator Emmy Lupin, said, “Lockdown has seen a rollercoaster of trending moments, playful antidotes to the global crisis that has enveloped us. In years gone by, woven tapestries have been created to commemorate key events, this piece is intended as a modern take on that — a tapestry for a connected world.

“From Joe Wicks to Joe Exotic, Connell’s Chain to Captain Tom, House Party to Animal Crossing, the Boris Johnson Peri-ometer to Daisy May Cooper and the Sea Captain, and TikTok dances alongside Stanley Tucci’s cocktails — there are almost 70 moments represented — it showcases a moment in history and some of the many things that we will never forget.”

I hope Emmy Lupin gets lots more work from this. And, you know, I guess that Three sells some more phone contracts or whatever.

Oh yeah, here’s a fun ‘exclusive’ quote that Three sent me:

Elaine Carey, Chief Commercial Officer at Three, said, “We’re delighted to unveil our lockdown modern-day tapestry today, marking a monumental moment in our history. 2020 has been a challenging year so far but also one that has brought people closer together and made connections in a way we had never envisaged before. We want those important connections to keep happening, so we’re giving our customers ‘six-months half price’ on us.”

Thank god for phone contracts, yeah?

If you want to read more sarcastic bullshit from me, subscribe to my media criticism newsletter Conquest of the Useless today.

You can subscribe for free or pay just £5/month to get the once-weekly premium issues.

Writer, editor and internet arguer.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store